"Okay." Howard squeezes his eyes shut and just focuses on Cedric, the rhythmic circles, the rise and fall of Cedric's chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't want to be like this, I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want..."

Breathing. Mimicking Cedric's, because without that to follow his own is fast and tight and makes him dizzy.

"It's never over. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up one morning and I'll be okay again and we can be happy together and that'll be it."