Cedric's been asking himself the same question all day. He still doesn't know his ultimate fate, but at least Howard is talking to him. That's something.

"Because I'm thick. Seriously, I don't know! I think...it's been here for a while." He looks up at Howard and tries not to blush, feeling that strange mix of attraction and guilt. "I'd feel good being with you, and I'd want more."

He shakes his head. "But I told myself 'that's stupid, Cedric, we're at war and you could die when this is all over. Or before that.' So I ignored it, it wasn't so strong back then. And now...I've started to think about it more and more. When I see couples on the streets, when they're out at night." Those are nice, safe things that don't involve awkwardness in their home.

"I thought that might be loneliness due to me forgetting what attraction felt like. I thought I might be projecting onto the nearest person, so I went out into town. I tried convincing myself it was stupid, because I didn't want to reopen this. Not after I hurt you and you moved on."

He dropped his gaze, finally slowing down the rushed whisper. "All I've convinced myself of is that I'm an idiot and it was you."