theboywhodied | (no subject)

What the hell does this mean?

Cedric is sprawled on the couch in their little flat, head in his hands. He's been grappling with uncomfortable thoughts for quite a while, and here they are coming to a head. The convenient excuses he's used to squash any possibility of trying a relationship with another person no longer apply.

The war is over, there's no going back to wizarding England, and there's no more Lord Voldemort to kill him. He's seemingly permanently settled in a quaint seaside town on some planet with Howard, the unlikeliest of friends. The two of them grated on each other so much when they first met, yet here they are sharing a condo overlooking the bay. Those compensation credits from the war were a godsend.

But that's not all he's thought about sharing lately. One of the problems with living in a seaside town is that love seems to be in the air. Partnering up left and right, walking on the beach, playing the silly carnival games. Most of their time is spent with work, but those little escapes being so nearby are fun.

The strange thing is that lately, he's had momentary visions of that closeness. With Howard. Cedric sees them holding hands on the beach and watching rocks skip out to the ocean. He hears the laughter in their flat. He imagines saying good night, their voices just a little closer than before.

But there are a few things wrong with this scenario. One, Cedric's missed his chance. Howard had a crush on him back during the war, and he'd asked him out. Cedric had refused, citing concerns about Cho, the war, and...though he didn't say it, he wondered about dating a guy. It had never been his thing, right? He's no longer so sure. He's grown to love Howard's laugh, live for the times he can extract a smile, and he's become attached.

Two, going back to the first issue. Howard's male. And Cedric's always been interested in women. He remembers Cho, the long-term girlfriend he'll never see again, the many girls he'd smiled at at Hogwarts, and nights with the guys at the dorm discussing girls. Surely he's never been interested in one of the guys. If he was, he would've known before now.

Then why can't he get Howard's smile out of his head? Why can't he stop dreaming about nighttime walks and homemade meals? Not that Cedric doesn't cook now, but it'd be different for a boyfriend. He'd give Howard his absolute best and be proud of it. Howard won't have to worry about food again.

He burrows in the couch and lets out a muffled scream, pillow pulled tightly behind his head.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's a new feeling. Cedric feels an odd sort of fuzziness in his stomach, like he's warm all over and bursting with affection. He can't quite explain what about this closeness makes him so comfortable, but he doesn't care.

"I didn't see much of the shoreline. England was small, and we were close enough, but we weren't very adventurous. Wizards were insular people. That's why I liked it here. It's all so new."

He's delighted by the idea. "I'd love to. We have the buckets and shovels, what else should I bring?"

Another thing Howard's likely learned about Cedric is that he likes to play like a kid at times. He's built elaborate sandcastles more than once.

In a way it's strange. This whole thing, the house and the credits and the brand new world...it's a fresh start. A chance to reinvent themselves. And it occurs to Howard that for the most part he's ignored that opportunity.

"I grew up by the beach. I mean, not right on it, but it was just a ten-minute bike ride away from my house when I was little." Howard's face lights up a little too. "Spray bottle. We'll fill it with saltwater so we can build stuff taller."

Secretly, Howard's got a bit of little kidness to him too. It doesn't show up often, but Cedric's one of the few people who can draw it out of him.

"And I'll find some shells and pebbles," Cedric adds cheerfully. Oh, yes. They'll build one of their greatest sandy creations yet.

That just leaves the question of when to go. He unconsciously dips his head just a little closer, thinking. "When should we go? Sunrise, morning, afternoon, evening?"

"I'll bring a little flag." He's already planning on how to make one out of the little pizza mini-table, a pencil and a candywrapper.

"Sunrise, if you're awake and not all bleary by then." Howard still keeps bizarre hours. Typically this means four hours or so at night and then crashing midway through the day, taking a nap after dinner, and then repeating the whole cycle the next day. "It's pretty then, and the trail is quiet. No one with annoying dogs or anything."

Totally a cat person.

"I can wake up," Cedric insists. "I used to do it for flying every day. And I like the idea of watching it rise."

It is starting to get late, though. He sighs lightly, glancing at the clock. "Early to bed, early to rise?"

This is awkward. But it's the same as before, right? Wandering off to their separate beds in their separate rooms, maybe waving before they go.

"I should get some sleep, yeah. Work tomorrow." He gets up and snaps his fingers at the ground so the cats will follow him to his bedroom. They like Cedric, of course, but they know whose head they're supposed to sleep next to at night.

He waits in the doorway to his room. "Should we, um. Should we do a goodnight kiss?"

He's much more inexperienced with Cedric. He has no idea what's too fast and too slow, although he expects they're a little ahead of schedule by already living together.

Oh, those silly cats. Cedric watches them go with his usual little pout. Maybe he should go find a stuffed animal to keep him company...no. He'd never hear the end of it.

He pushes himself to his feet and stretches, faltering at that suggestion. It would be a lie if he said he hadn't thought of it too. It's their first night! But they're starting this, and maybe it's some sort of confirmation that it's really happening.

Cedric thinks it over for a second more, then nods. "If you want to!" He sounds a little more uncertain than he intended to. Oh well. One step forward at a time, until they're standing face to face.

This angling business is going to be awkward.

Damn you and being so much taller, Cedric. Howard can stand on his toes, though, but don't think he's not holding it against you.

"I think..." He holds his breath as he draws closer. "Yeah, I think I do want to."

"I think I do too." Cedric almost laughs, looking down at his boyfriend's brow. This is a view he's going to get very used to, isn't it?

He leans down, leaving his face hovering a few inches away from Howard's. "Ready?"

It's like they're sharing some critical secret. It's almost funny.

It occurs to Howard that maybe, sometime down the road, he'll be able to use this height discrepancy as a reason to rest his head on Cedric's chest and shoulder. And that fills him with a little trill of anticipation, waiting for the day when he's ready for that.

"Yeah." He reaches up and gives Cedric a soft kiss.

It's awkward, and there's definitely going to be more later, but Cedric approves of this start. He kisses Howard just as gently, knowing that the time to hold and curl up will come later. They're really together now, really starting. Just a few hours ago he'd thought this was impossible. And now...

When he pulls back, he's sporting a faint grin and a blush, hoping he doesn't look quite as silly as he feels. "Good night, Howard. Half hour before dawn!"

Howard's blushing harder, because it's totally a competition. He makes a little mock salute. "See you then. Try not to dream too much of me."

"I can't dream of you too much. I might be tempted to oversleep!"

Cedric winks, heading off to his room before he can be called on how ridiculously cheesy that was. It'll get better with time!