theboywhodied | (no subject)

Entry tags:

howard,
musebox

(no subject)

What the hell does this mean?

Cedric is sprawled on the couch in their little flat, head in his hands. He's been grappling with uncomfortable thoughts for quite a while, and here they are coming to a head. The convenient excuses he's used to squash any possibility of trying a relationship with another person no longer apply.

The war is over, there's no going back to wizarding England, and there's no more Lord Voldemort to kill him. He's seemingly permanently settled in a quaint seaside town on some planet with Howard, the unlikeliest of friends. The two of them grated on each other so much when they first met, yet here they are sharing a condo overlooking the bay. Those compensation credits from the war were a godsend.

But that's not all he's thought about sharing lately. One of the problems with living in a seaside town is that love seems to be in the air. Partnering up left and right, walking on the beach, playing the silly carnival games. Most of their time is spent with work, but those little escapes being so nearby are fun.

The strange thing is that lately, he's had momentary visions of that closeness. With Howard. Cedric sees them holding hands on the beach and watching rocks skip out to the ocean. He hears the laughter in their flat. He imagines saying good night, their voices just a little closer than before.

But there are a few things wrong with this scenario. One, Cedric's missed his chance. Howard had a crush on him back during the war, and he'd asked him out. Cedric had refused, citing concerns about Cho, the war, and...though he didn't say it, he wondered about dating a guy. It had never been his thing, right? He's no longer so sure. He's grown to love Howard's laugh, live for the times he can extract a smile, and he's become attached.

Two, going back to the first issue. Howard's male. And Cedric's always been interested in women. He remembers Cho, the long-term girlfriend he'll never see again, the many girls he'd smiled at at Hogwarts, and nights with the guys at the dorm discussing girls. Surely he's never been interested in one of the guys. If he was, he would've known before now.

Then why can't he get Howard's smile out of his head? Why can't he stop dreaming about nighttime walks and homemade meals? Not that Cedric doesn't cook now, but it'd be different for a boyfriend. He'd give Howard his absolute best and be proud of it. Howard won't have to worry about food again.

He burrows in the couch and lets out a muffled scream, pillow pulled tightly behind his head.

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Howard props his feet up on the table. They're two teenagers living alone in a house. No one's here to tell him not to. He folds his half of the pizza in two like a sandwich and starts to eat it as politely as he can manage (which still mostly involves shoving it in his mouth). Hawaiian pizza on his side, not because it's his favorite, but because he likes to pretend that his views on food aren't so warped that he's forgotten how to have favorites.

"So. How was your day?" He says around a mouthful of pizza. "I mean. Besides sitting around pining for me."

Right. Small talk. This is what couples do, isn't it? He thinks he remembers similar nights with Cho, laughing and talking over dessert in the Great Hall. Those long-lost days should hold some clues.

He rolls his eyes fondly. "I'd watch it if I were you," Cedric teases. "As you said, you've had far more time to perfect it. But I spent most of it jogging. You can tell that summer's almost here. People are wearing what little they can get away with and everything smells like salt."

Summer days sound great to him. Oh, the opportunities on the beach. "What about you? You all right?"

"My pining is an art. You're the one who ends up looking like the couch took a nap on you." Howard winks. "We should go jogging sometime. Bet I can outrun you."

He nods. "Same ol', same ol'. Figuring I just need to hammer out my test for my diploma and get it over with. Then I'll have more freetime to spend reinventing the Roomba."

"Those are those odd vacuums, right?" Cedric's not up on all the latest tech, but he's better than before. "You'll pass, I'm sure. And maybe someday you can teach me," he says, though he's not sure he really means it. He tries to learn about the Muggle things wizards don't spend much time on like maths and science, but it's slow going. The library books aren't the most helpful.

One thing Howard's said really stings. Cedric's hand automatically goes up to his hair, prodding the mess. "Is it that bad?"

"Yes. I totally want one. You should see the Youtube videos of cats trying to attack them." And on that note, Howard's entertained enough by Sushi licking the inside of the pizza box. Smart cat. "Or maybe you can do the smart thing and get a tutor who didn't spend all of seventh grade science ditching class for the arcade."

Howard grins. "Worse."

"Maybe I'll watch them with you." Cedric's slowly introducing himself to the world of cat videos. He'd liked cats enough back home, but he's gaining a new appreciation for them now. Clever creatures, and sweet in their own way, he thinks as he eats.

"...You're sitting for the exam. That's more than I'm doing. But I will." Soon. When he has this football thing solidified.

That last statement leads to a Cedric-hair freakout. He pats it down, tries to smooth it out, and only partially succeeds. "You should've told me sooner! The deliveryperson must've thought that I'm...uncouth."

Yes, these are the sorts of things that embarrass him.

Howard will never willingly let anyone know how much he loves those cats. Cedric can probably tell, as can anyone who spends more than an hour in the house, but Howard likes to pretend that its his little secret.

"You'll need to in case you ever get hit with a career-ending torn ligament. I can't put you back together if you do, man." Howard pulls one of the cats between them.

He grins. He likes to fluster Ced just a little. It makes him feel like he has the upper hand for a bit. Howard's so neurotic that sometimes he forgets he's not the only one who worries about stupid things, and this is a nice reminder. Besides, Ced's cute when he's ruffled. "'Uncouth' would be the nice way of putting it, man. I'm thinking he more likely thought you were a homeless guy squatting in this place."

Cedric makes a face at that cat. Lucky cat! He'd like to skritch behind its ears, especially with the way it keeps purring, but he has better ideas of what to do with his time.

"Accio comb!" Yes, this is getting fixed right now. He yanks it through his hair a few times, shaking his head ruefully. "Tyrant might've had a brilliant idea with the bald head. It's much harder to mess that up."

Howard bursts into laughter. It's like some sort of victory to get Cedric so ruffled that he uses his magic. But maybe they're both just too used to hiding.

"Yeah, but you have a weird-shaped head. Maybe we just need to set you up with a wig."

That's it, Howard. No more Mr. Nice Diggory. Cedric drops the comb on the table, gives his hair one last flick, and props his feet up. He even goes for the sultry stare.

"You wouldn't like it if I did. You'd miss this, wouldn't you?"

"Probably." Howard feels his cheeks blush.

And he leans in, tentative but suddenly flushed with bravery.

"You know I'm right."

It's not like Cedric to be this cocky, not usually, but he feels a rush of...something. He lifts his eyebrows, inviting and daring with his expression. Howard's frustratingly hard to read sometimes, but this time he has hope.

Oh, when Cedric gives him a look like that...Howard takes the chicken way out and closes his eyes as he leans all the way in.

Wow, Howard. Way to move things along! Cedric has a split second in his surprise to remember that bumping on chins isn't exactly fun. He lowers his head, closing his eyes when the alignment's better. Their mouths still don't line up perfectly, but at least this can be classified as a competent kiss, if tentative.

The overwhelming sense of excitement, thrill, and the challenge of pulling close to someone who started so differently than he did is definitely new to Cedric. Cho wasn't really like this at all.He adds in some light pressure for a few seconds, pulling back when they've had those few seconds to test each other. Somewhere in this whole mess, Cedric's face has started heating up, and his expression can only be described as a dazed sort of giddiness. Good job, Howard!

"I should watch out for you. One hour and you've caught me already," he smiles.

"Uh, yeah..." Howard stammers a bit. He feels like you could fry an egg on his face, the way he's blushing. He brings his fingertips to his mouth, as if trying to reaffirm through touch that yes, that just happened.

Cedric's lips were so warm.

"I, um." Howard becomes suddenly very interested in the corner of his sleeve, mostly because sleeves can't make eye cotnact. "Was that okay?"

It's hard to resist the urge to call Howard adorable and cuddle him. Really, it is. Cedric chooses to restrain himself to smiling like an idiot. It's hard not to feel overheated.

He's aware they need to go slowly, so he awkwardly extends and retracts his hand once or twice. Is it going to be okay? Is it not? In the end, his hand ends up gently covering the wrist Howard is staring at.

"More than that," he admits. "It's fine. That's...well, that's one thing that boyfriends can do, isn't it." That word's going to take some getting used to. "Doesn't have to be all the time, but I don't mind."

This is so awkward. He should just shut up and start doing something comfortably silent. Fidget, fidget.

Howard tenses up a little at the touch, then puts his free hand over Cedric's. It's a hard thing, touch. It's easier to reach out and touch than accent that someone can touch you. Howard likes to have control over that part of his personal sphere, and probably would have either frozen up entirely or flailed about and smacked Cedric in the face if Cedric had tried to surprise-cuddle.

He lifts his eyes and makes eye contact. A little smile starts to creep over his face. "Yeah? I mean, um. I didn't mind it either. It was kind of nice."

He pauses. "And warm. Is your face like a space heater or something?"

Cedric's relieved that he hasn't been smacked. He'll go very slowly, that's for sure. But there's really no rush. Just this has excited and embarrassed him enough. His face is still burning, isn't it? Kissing Cho definitely hadn't invoked this much silliness.

"I don't think so," he says, tapping a finger against his cheek just to be sure. "It wouldn't be very comfortable if it was. But kisses are supposed to be warm because humans are warm. Unless...I suppose it wouldn't be if you were sucking on an ice cube."

It is a strange sort of thrilling. In a way it's tempting to just try and rush things to affirm that yes, they are now boyfriends. And yet, as that is now way too intimidating, Howard's more comfortable taking it slowly. Possibly glacially slowly. That kiss may be the further boundary mark for many a month, Cedric.

And yet he knows Cedric will respect that. There's a novel feeling of security that comes with that. And that just makes him want to cuddle up to Cedric more. Maybe tonight, if he works up the nerve.

"Maybe I'll try that sometime. Just to surprise you."

That idea intrigues him. He knows they're mostly going to be talking and walking and doing casual things, but that's all right. The intimacy in this relationship will likely be from slowly opening up and talking, and that suits him just fine. It's a closeness that he wasn't aware he really needed until recently, but it's here. They're a messed up little family unit, Howard and Cedric.

"It'd scare me," Cedric comments with a laugh. "I'd worry you were sick, and then you'd shove it at me and I'd realise.."

Yeah. He'll just flop back against the couch now, wrapped up in his imagination goofy grin on his face. "That's why I like you. Always the clever one."

A unit. It's true, that's what they are. Two parts of one thing larger. It's not like Howard hasn't had intimacy before, but it was different then. That was Orc, and that wasn't romantic, and this is Cedric and it is. And Cedric's smart and capable and most of all, upbeat. Someone who pulls Howard further away from the depressed end of the spectrum instead of dragging him that way.

"You know, if I actually do get sick, I'm totally going to be a backseat doctor. And demand so much homemade chicken soup." He grins. "And now you're going to be the one responsible for me getting better. You're sure you're up to the challenge?"

"Of course. Well...the soup's easy enough. I can manage that. And I'll learn the rest from you along the way."

He stretches his arm (the one away from Howard) across the back of the couch, all smiles. There might be a day he can use his other arm, but not yet.

"But I'm the one who has to worry if I fall ill, right? You're scary enough as a doctor already," he says lightly.

"That's just because I don't put up with patients' crap. And I'm a medic, not a doctor. Big difference. Medics get shot at." Some mindsets don't leave with the end of the war. "I'm not afraid to force-feed people antibiotics, so you better do what I say when you're sick."

Neither do some of Howard's more controlling attitudes.

Cedric gulps, nodding his head obediently. "Yes, of course. Medicine doesn't have such an awful taste. Medical potions are worse, trust me."

Oh, he still remembers the slimy concoctions that bubbled unpleasantly. He almost misses those days, but then he wouldn't be here. With Howard, and surprisingly content.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he says. Maybe he could've seen that smile sooner if he hadn't taken so long to figure this out. Not to mention the unnecessary duration of pain for Howard.

"I don't know. Unflavored NyQuil can be pretty yucky."

Howard shrugs. "It's okay. I get it." Then he bites his lip. "Except actually, I don't. I mean, I'm not really what people look for in a date and you're, well, you. And you've had a long time to get to know me. I just never saw myself as the kind of person who grew on anyone."