theboywhodied: (Seriousness)
Cedric Diggory ([personal profile] theboywhodied) wrote2012-01-15 10:43 pm
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What the hell does this mean?

Cedric is sprawled on the couch in their little flat, head in his hands. He's been grappling with uncomfortable thoughts for quite a while, and here they are coming to a head. The convenient excuses he's used to squash any possibility of trying a relationship with another person no longer apply.

The war is over, there's no going back to wizarding England, and there's no more Lord Voldemort to kill him. He's seemingly permanently settled in a quaint seaside town on some planet with Howard, the unlikeliest of friends. The two of them grated on each other so much when they first met, yet here they are sharing a condo overlooking the bay. Those compensation credits from the war were a godsend.

But that's not all he's thought about sharing lately. One of the problems with living in a seaside town is that love seems to be in the air. Partnering up left and right, walking on the beach, playing the silly carnival games. Most of their time is spent with work, but those little escapes being so nearby are fun.

The strange thing is that lately, he's had momentary visions of that closeness. With Howard. Cedric sees them holding hands on the beach and watching rocks skip out to the ocean. He hears the laughter in their flat. He imagines saying good night, their voices just a little closer than before.

But there are a few things wrong with this scenario. One, Cedric's missed his chance. Howard had a crush on him back during the war, and he'd asked him out. Cedric had refused, citing concerns about Cho, the war, and...though he didn't say it, he wondered about dating a guy. It had never been his thing, right? He's no longer so sure. He's grown to love Howard's laugh, live for the times he can extract a smile, and he's become attached.

Two, going back to the first issue. Howard's male. And Cedric's always been interested in women. He remembers Cho, the long-term girlfriend he'll never see again, the many girls he'd smiled at at Hogwarts, and nights with the guys at the dorm discussing girls. Surely he's never been interested in one of the guys. If he was, he would've known before now.

Then why can't he get Howard's smile out of his head? Why can't he stop dreaming about nighttime walks and homemade meals? Not that Cedric doesn't cook now, but it'd be different for a boyfriend. He'd give Howard his absolute best and be proud of it. Howard won't have to worry about food again.

He burrows in the couch and lets out a muffled scream, pillow pulled tightly behind his head.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Basic - Sarcastiface)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 04:24 pm (UTC)(link)
"Catch up? On Mystery Medical Diagnosis? It's not like there's a storyline." Howard rolls his eyes at Cedric and pours himself a cup of coffee. He doesn't especially like being lied to and his spidey senses are tingling, but he'll give Cedric his space, at least until dinner. It'll help Howard too to decompress in his room eating marshmallows.

"Call me back in when you're done being weird, man."
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Default)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Howard checks his watch as he walks out of the room. "Eighteen minutes, damn. If it's more than twenty-five we get the pizza free. Did you get breadsticks?" Not that Howard minds getting the food seven minutes early.

He grabs the pizza box and takes it to the kitchen. The cats, predictably, follow, expecting that while they can't get scraps from Howard, they can continue to appeal to Cedric's generosity. Howard sets the table, not because he actually cares about table manners, but because he generally makes the effort not to look like a starved, ravenous dog whenever he's around Cedric.

Besides, it's routine. And Howard likes routine. They've settled into a nice one here, he and Cedric, and as much as it sometimes gets him down it's better than no routine at all.

"So, you going to tell me why you're acting weird?" Howard folds his hands over each other on the kitchen table.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Basic - For Real?)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"You're making my cats fat." Not that they aren't already - Emergency Rations and Sushi are both approaching the twenty-pounder level. A little lightheartedness to try and alleviate some of the obvious tension in the room. He doesn't know what's on Cedric's mind, but he's already rifling through the options in his head: Cedric's moving out, Cedric's got a girlfriend, they're out of credits...

Howard looks concerned for about two seconds, long enough to put down his slice of pizza. Then he resorts to levity.

"If it's that you're a dork, you don't need to tell me. I already figured it out." He grins at Cedric. Teasing is still his forte. It's a sign of affection, but one of those innocuous ones that doesn't muddy up the strange little friendship between them.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Basic - Um ew?)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 07:48 pm (UTC)(link)
"Emergency Rations," Howard corrects, as automatic by now as a 'bless you' after sneezing. He refuses to call the cat by a 'normal' name.

Howard gives Cedric a strange look, like he's trying to piece together what, exactly, is off about his housemate. He leans back in his seat and folds his arms.

"Return what favor? Cedric, you're being weird."
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Angry - You're an Idiot)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Howard stares for a minute. For a moment it's like time warps, and he can see Cedric's mouth moving and hear the words coming out, but he can't hear it over the sound of the sink dripping or the purr of the cat under the table. And then it hits.

"Cute. Real cute," he says, getting up and shoving his chair back. His face takes a harder edge, a desperate attempt to look stony instead of just hurt. "I'm going to my room."
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Angry - Standing My Ground)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 09:31 pm (UTC)(link)
"You think this is funny?" Howard bends over and grabs Emergency Rations as he walks, cuddling her close to his chest. It's some protective instinct, some 'you can't hit me because I'm holding the cat' nerve, even though Cedric's never done anything to hurt him, not even once.

Which, in Howard's mind, makes it extra upsetting that he's clearly trying to now.

"I put myself on the line. It's not fair for you to mess with me for it!" It's only once it's out of his mouth that he realizes he's yelling.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Scared - Huddled)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-16 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Howard stops. For a second it looks like he might cry. He holds the cat closer. He wants to believe it so badly, but if he does and then Cedric lets him down, it'll hurt so much more. And he's tired of hurting over this.

"You're really a hundred perfect serious?" He's shaking, ever so slightly, like he's expecting some injury to come out of nowhere. Like a rabbit hiding from a wild dog.

It would be easier to kick Cedric out and believe the worst. Then it would just be no, go away, black and white hatred. But to put himself out there again and hope that Cedric's being honest is almost asking too much.

"Why now?"
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Sad - Head in Hands)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
"So this is like, you feeling jealous of all the couples out there and taking it out on me," he says, ignoring Cedric's qualifiers. It's his last defense, his last attempt to push Cedric away, and there's a part of him that so badly wants to put Cedric off the idea forever so they can both just move on.

He sighs and takes a seat on the couch. "I just don't get why. I mean, I'm cranky and I don't like touch and I make fun of you all the time..."

Maybe if it were when they had just started knowing each other, before Cedric was so informed on Howard's quirks and foibles, it would be different. Howard stares into his cat's fur and avoids looking at Cedric.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Sad - Staring at the Floor)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Howard believes Cedric. That's the terrifying thing. He believes him. He still isn't quite sure what Cedric sees in him, but he does believe Cedric at least likes the routine of being the butt of all the jokes.

He curls up into a ball on the couch, knees to his chest and face buried in the cat. It's a defensive gesture.

"Ced..." He takes a deep breath and whispers something he's never told anyone. "The last person I fell for broke my nose."

It goes a long way towards explaining why Howard's so gunshy with romance. He mustered up the bravery once, to ask Cedric the first time. He doesn't know if he can again.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Sad - Puppy Dog Tears)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
"I don't know. I was just trying to help." He squeezes the cat so close she gives a little squeak and thrashes out of his grip. He laughs, and it's entirely devoid of humor. "It just figures, right? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of maybe the best news that's ever come my way."

And that's how he sees it, now that he knows Cedric's being honest. Howard bites his lip.

"What if it doesn't work between us?"
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Sad - Head in Hands)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
"I was okay living like this before you went and ruined it," Howard points out. And yes, he is a little angry at Cedric. He misses the routine, the status quo, already.

"I just..."

He sighs so hard his shoulders slump, as if he's completely deflated. "I'm sorry, Ced. I didn't want it to go like this. I figured if you ever decided you liked me back it'd be simple or something."

And it should be. It would be, if not for his stupid head getting in the way. All those neuroses and baggage that Ced's going to have to deal with if they go through with this.

He wants to sink into the couch.

He reaches a hand out to take Cedric's.
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Basic - Mild Paranoia)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 05:47 am (UTC)(link)
"God, I kept my whole deal under wraps for months. Zou didn't even realize I was hiding some deep dark secret."

He reaches out and takes Cedric's hand. "Pretty good description. I just don't know how this goes. Any of it. So I guess we just take it as it goes."
iselldrugstothecommunity: (Happy - Calm)

[personal profile] iselldrugstothecommunity 2012-01-17 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't know how this changes things." Howard's surprised to realize that he actually doesn't know. A lot of 'something more' seems a little too intimidating right now. Kissing and deep displays of physical affection and all. Certainly sex.

Except something's different now, he knows that. Even if he can't explain how.

"You mean before the cats figure out how to open a pizza box." Howard grins and gets up, still holding Cedric's hand. "We could, um. We could try cuddling after dinner, if you want."

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